The Beginning

Here I am, I’m a 56-year-old, divorced mom of two, and grandmother of two toddler boys! Yep, that’s me in a nutshell, oh yeah and did I mention that I am also recently unemployed. Hence the beginning of this blog, Just me KikiP 

I won’t bore you with my life history and or why I have recently found myself down and out in Las Vegas. But, I will tell you this, I AM A SURVIVOR!  I have survived raising two young daughters (now beautiful women)on my own; I have survived living with grandbabies, who do not know what personal space means. Nor do they understand the word No.  I have survived numerous pets, cats, dogs, hamsters, goldfish, frogs, ferrets, turtles, and a hedgehog!  Each pet, at one time in their lives, had some sort of “special requirement” or needed in-depth instructions on what to do with them.  I have survived a 25-year marriage and its breakup, the loss of a 25-year career, deaths in the family, diseases, sickness and so much more.  So when I tell you I am a survivor, I am.

Which brings me to today, my new interest in blogging and what I have been doing while trying to “survive” the ugly state of…yes…Unemployment. Ewww just saying it makes me feel less than human.  While everyone else around me is out earning the all mighty dollar. Here I sit, blogging. Most days I end up “Netflixing”, (is there such a word?) into the wee wee hours of the night, or maybe just playing on my phone for endless hours.  I can’t even tell you how many books I’ve read, it’s obscene.

Now don’t quite picture me like Peg Bundy or the guy on the couch from Half Baked. I don’t stuff my mouth with Bon Bon’s (although on occasion I have been known to eat skittles, a lot) or anything like that, I usually just TV Binge. 

However, a few weeks ago a small voice spoke to me and said, go outside into the daylight (yes I said daylight, I found out I did not sparkle like Edward Cullen nor did I burst into flames like Dracula) and see what the day could offer me.  I know what you’re thinking, this poor woman has lost her mind.  Maybe I have, but just think if you continue reading my blog you will get front row seats on the ride to crazy town!    

After this incredible revelation of actually utilizing the day, I decided to sign up and drive with Uber Eats. That’s right, a food delivery person (oh how the mighty have fallen). All the ads say,” You can earn up to $18.00 per hour”. So why not, right? Well here’s where the fun begins…

All signed up and nowhere to drive, YET. I get my “Uber” approval (woohoo), also comes a large packet of propaganda that looks like a lot of unnecessary reading to me. So first things first, that gets tossed to the side.  I’m ready to hit the road, how hard can it be right? I mean who reads all that material anyway?
So here it goes... 

Day one: Uber Eats Driver

I get up early, shower, shine, and shampoo. I want to look and smell clean so as not to scare off any potential tipping customers.  Now I feel confident and ready for my big day of delivering food to my fellow couch potatoes or my fellow ex-working class community! I open the app and here I go…

After what seems an eternity I finally get a “ding”! Now I look at my phone, at what appears to be a time bomb counting down.  I see these numbers flashing backward!  What do I do? I know, I push the area flashing right? Hit accept! I’ve done it, my first pick up, I am on the way. I am so excited for this new adventure.  I look at the timer thing and it has a 5 minute pick up showing on the screen.  Now I would know what this meant had I bothered to read those nifty little instructions sent when I received my approval. Oh well, I will figure it out. Off I go to some obscure little fast food joint. On the way, I get another round of ticking time bomb screens and unable to find my phone and navigate while driving I let it go. Well, when you let it go, it activates a “deny” order entry and automatically logs that you have denied some poor soul their food! Once again, had I read those notes I would have known what to do.

Note to self:  when you get home, read that packet! First FIND that packet, THEN read it.

I get the food, and all seems great again until I can’t seem to figure out how to even go to the next step on the app. So naturally I start pushing buttons, and little weird looking icons, many of which keep pulling up a screen that has two thumbs on it, one thumb up and one thumb down. By pure luck, a screen pops up and says picked up. I slide that little bar and waaahla a new screen comes into view.

This is my drop off point. It seems to be going to someone working at an office building. The name appears and then disappears quickly. Hmmm, I missed it. No worries, the app has its own navigational program I’m sure it knows where I am supposed to end up.  

Off I go, driving while carrying someone else’s food.  Now, this may seem an easy task, but let me tell you, it makes juggling live goldfish start to look easy. Not only am I totally unprepared in my vehicle to handle free standing food boxes but I am also unprepared to carry 4 drinks without a drink container. I manage, I look for stackable blocking items (anything really) hidden in my car that will fix the problem. Problem solved, I got this.   

Note to self:  bring a box to transport things in!

After all this and getting lost from a substandard, deranged,  under updated, GPS system that has me doing U-turns every other minute, I have arrived at my destination. Where exactly is that I ask myself? I’m now in front of a huge 10 building business center with no instructions for delivery except for “wait in car”.

So I wait while waiting it dawns on me to maybe look for some sort of two-way communication to reach out to the mystery who ordered their lunch. Ah ha! I find the texting mode on the app. It’s a direct line to the hungry customer. 

I find that this little messenger has two preprogrammed responses on it. The first being, “Okay, got it”, and the second simply states, “I have arrived”. I have arrived indeed!  In hindsight, it felt like a moment from the movies where some celestial being comes down from the clouds in an ominous dark mist and states in a booming voice….”I HAVE ARRIVED”.  All the things your imagination thinks of while sitting in a car waiting with someone else’s lunch.  So I simply use the latter response. I have arrived.

Suddenly, I get a quick curt call from the person to whom I am delivering. She states just come to building 5 level 3, room C area 10, by the back window of the copy room, it’s close to the number 99. But if you don’t see 99 then look for 64 because you can get there from that route as well (ok well that’s a bit exaggerated, but seriously that what it sounded like!).  WTH is all I can think!  I begin my quest to find my Lori B (user name has been changed to protect the innocent LOL) and I suddenly find myself in a game of Pokemon Go, she (Lori B) is tracking me on the phone and watching me as I go from building to unmarked building to try and find her.

At this point, I start to think maybe this is a game that the working class community has created to watch the food delivery people in real time. They can watch you get lost, stop, go, search, hell maybe there is even an Emoji on your back showing your energy level and stamina while they keep watching you, to see what you do next!  It’s like the hunger games except no one dies when you find them. Well, at least not from this Uber gal!  Finally a winner, “I have arrived!”

Wow, for my first delivery I totally have no clue what I am doing. I am starting to feel that this little adventure has me re-thinking my whole career as a food delivery person.

I apparently am not cut out to be an Uber Eats driver! Who knew you had to be a Geographical Engineer, Software Specialist and Psychic in order to get a delivery done?!? Once I finally deliver my order, "ding", I’m done. 

My earnings of $3.58 cents flash across the screen of my phone and I think I just drove for 40 minutes (30 being lost) and 10 to get here for a grand total of $3.58 (no tip, as apparently, I didn’t make the cut). 

What happened to the “You can earn up to $18.00 an hour” slogan?! Apparently, Uber Eats delivery is not meant for the mere mortals, it's only for the fittest and quickest of mind and body. Clearly, I am neither of the two! 

Maybe one delivery today is enough until I can find my packet and brush up on my app procedures.

No, I am not quitting.  I told you, I’m a survivor. We never give up! Tomorrow is another day and another dollar maybe $4 this time! 

I do want to say, all is not lost in my adventures. I am discovering some pretty amazing and hip little places to eat all around the City of Las Vegas.

Follow my blog, to find where these hidden little gems are and hear my take on what's tasty or not. That's a wrap, my friends!

Adiós por ahora amigos!